A message to you.

One of the biggest struggles I have in life is letting go of the small things that don’t matter and just ignoring the toxic people. I hate nothing more then when I know people are talking about “me” (and this goes for anyone) and they think People don’t know, they think they are so sneaky posting things on Facebook, acting like you’ve never done any wrong in your life, I promise we know what your doing and we know your far from perfect!

It has really come to my attention how much Facebook effects my everyday life, How it adds so much extra stress that doesn’t need to be there. There is a lot of people in my life that truly make an effort, truly want to know how my whole family is doing, not just some of us, people tho truly enjoy being apart of our life’s because they truly want to, not because they have to!

Life is short and I say it over and over let those toxic, fake people go stop letting them get in your head, because that’s exactly what they are trying to do.

Those people are not worth yours or my time, and because these people are supposed to be “family” or “friends” I’ve just chosen to push the unfollow button

Instead of delete, I’ve thought about and have for a day deactivated my Facebook because I can’t go another day reading these peoples posts, but I realized why should I give up my connection with certain people because those people don’t know how to grow up?

So unfollowing them is the best way and I couldn’t be happier because now my Facebook is full of happy, real, TRUE family and friends and I love it !

Always remember silence is worse then giving them the satisfaction of letting them know you know and aren’t as dumb as they think!

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Social media is the devil

Electronics have become this worlds number one way of communicating with other people, wether it be texting, Snapchat, Facebook etc.

They have taken over, people don’t even know how to communicate face to face anymore. social media has become an addiction, Some people use it for the good things, connecting with family or friends that are far away, allowing them to see pictures of your family, staying in touch when that’s the only way you can. But then you have the “family and friends” who literally live no longer then an hour away who only want a relationship with you through social media or electronics, they say they want to be apart of your life, make plans but never actually act on those plans, you have the ones who think it’s ok to only have a relationship with you and your family through social media, you have ones who post things about other people thinking they will have no idea it’s actually about them when in reality they know exactly who it’s about!, you have the ones who will literally tear their “family or friends” apart on social media for everyone to see, and then you have the ones who don’t give a shit about anything or anyone and just post funny ass memes all day everyday.

Social media has become this worlds number one way of tearing people apart, easiest and cruelest way to bully people, number one wash of being able to make snide comments towards someone, again thinking they don’t know what your doing when they really do!

I’m not saying I’m perfect here, have I done all these things, yup sure have, and it’s a shame, I’m 24 years old, I’m not young but I’m not old, i’m still learning how life works everyday as is everyone else, but you would think eventually you would learn to stop doing those things, stop letting social media or electronics be your number one way of having “relationships” with people you apparently “love”. Try to Put your phones down, disconnect from it for a while, learn how to be a “real” person again, enjoy life for what it is, I know I’m going to, and I’m excited to see who truly makes an effort then !

“Family” betrayal

When your a child the most important thing in your life is your family, your family is always there to love you, protect you and support you no matter what, the number one people in life your supposed to be able to trust 100% is family, that’s what your taught growing up, like those sayings “ friends come and go, but family is forever”

I’ve had my fair shares of being betrayed by family, my trust broken, or feeling abandoned. I’m used to it ! And I’m ok with it because it’s helped make me who I am today, so I don’t hold grudges or dwell on it because it really doesn’t bug me. But going through that has also made it that much harder to see people I love going through it, nothing breaks my heart more then to have someone I love betrayed by their family. A parents love for their child should be unconditional, a parent should do everything they can to make sure their children are as happy as they can be, no matter their age. Just because a child turns 18, doesn’t mean your job as a parent is done.

Family is important to have, and coming from someone who has had a fair share of families it’s heartbreaking when they do things to break your trust, or if they hurt someone you love just to be spiteful.

Trusting people is never an easy thing to do, no matter who you are at some point in time you have broken someone’s trust, everyone makes mistakes, we’re only human, we say things we shouldn’t, we do things we shouldn’t, and most of us learn from it, some of us pretend we are perfect and never do these things, But to each their own, some people thrive on bringing others down because they have nothing better to do and are just insecure with their own life’s.

I’ve always let things like this bug me, I’m the type of person that hates knowing people don’t like me, I always felt like I had to please everyone, at least I used to be, but since I’ve been making changes in my life, I’ve learnt to not let it bug me anymore, ive realized the sad truth behind these types of people, to realize that no matter the mistakes I’ve made in life at least I can own up to them and make a change while they still continue to do the same thing bringing people down over and over again. Unfortunately those people will never change, they will continue to bully people and try and bring them down, they don’t want to see the good in people as much as they say they do, they don’t believe people can change and it’s sad. I truly pray for their sake they do change because people like that don’t realize the things they will loose in life from acting that way.

Just be you.

Trying to be yourself isn’t always easy, because not everyone will like who you are and Trying to please everyone is impossible, because really, do you know how many people are on this earth!?.

I saw this quote on Facebook and it really hit home “people will notice the change in your attitude towards them, but won’t notice their behaviour that made you change”.

Just in the past 3 months so many relationships in my life have changed, some good, some bad. I noticed my self having a hard time dealing with some of the lost relationships, constantly feeling angry and wanting to just let everything I have bottled up to say out, and I thought it would make me feel better, but I’ve come to realize it’s not the anger that’s getting to me, it’s the hurt. It’s hard to explain how much it hurts when someone you once loved very much betrays you so badly to the point where you will no longer allow yourself to fully open up to the people who do truly love you, who you know will NEVER do something like that to you.

You change to try and be this person you think people want you to be, because clearly if people you were that close with are betraying you then you must not be good enough..

but that’s why I’m here to say you are good enough, it may have taken me months and my amazing husband telling me over and over again how amazing I really am to realize that, but better late then never. Although the hurt is still there, the anger isn’t and that’s important because if something can make you feel that way for so long is it really worth it? The right people are around, you just have to want to see it and to let them in!

5 truths of being a stay at home mom.

Although I hear all the time just how lucky I am to stay at home with my kids and yes that I am, it doesn’t mean it’s always easy and enjoyable.

Your needed 24/7

It doesn’t matter if you have one, two or 4 kids you will constantly be needed 24/7 while one is napping the other is bored, although you just set up a toy that takes forever to set up it’s only good enough for 5 minutes and they don’t want it anymore, you want to sit down for 5 minutes watch a show or check up on Facebook, ya right, your kid knows you just sat down and now they want a snack or a drink. Nice try mom! If something goes wrong with the kid they will come to mom EVERY SINGLE TIME, Daddy can’t kiss a boo boo like mommy can, this is truly a 24 hour job.

Is it really enough?

Although everyday all day your busting your butt cleaning, cooking, playing, bathing, and doing whatever it takes to keep the kids alive and healthy and a nice household for your family, it never feels like enough, your not bringing in any money your just there to do “what your supposed to do” but unless your a full time stay at home mom you will never understand how crappy that actually feels to not be contributing financially, especially when you used to work a lot and got to understand what it felt like to bring in some extra income to help with the finances. But remember what your doing DOES matter, and IS important because if you weren’t there to do it, who would?

Being stuck at home

Where I live the winters are insane, if it’s not -50 there is to much snow to leave, having two young kids is not an easy task to take them out alone, I get so jealous of the moms I see walking around the grocery store all by themselves enjoying their peace and quiet and alone time even if it’s just for half an hour. Pinterest is a great tool for finding different activities to do inside but even those get old sometimes because sometimes you just don’t want the extra mess.

The need for adult interaction

Being a stay at home mom means a serious lack of adult interaction, your with the kids all the time it’s the only interaction you have, it’s amazing you even remember how to have a conversation with adults when you do get the chance. Your husband is your relief when he gets home from work but he’s tired from working all week and just wants to relax and sleep, so thank goodness for playdates, being a 24 year old mom with 2 kids isn’t always easy because half your friends aren’t even close to settling down yet and would rather party or just do things realistically you can’t do with two young kids, but let’s be real when you do have play dates you mainly talk about the kids, but it is better then nothing!

But of course there is benefits!

There really are many benefits of being a stay at home mom and the main one for me is I will be there for their firsts, the first time they giggle, roll over, crawl, stand, walk etc. You get to be the one to give them their first hug and say congrats good job, the one to see their face and how proud they are for what they just did and to me there is nothing I would rather do more then be able to be there for my children and their firsts. When they grow up and become independent we can feel some sort of accomplishment knowing we took part of helping them become decent human beings.

Although everyday is different and some you are just ready to throw in the towel if you have to listen to one more cry or deal with the temper tantrums, or try to understand why they can’t ever ask their dad to play with them and get them a snack, to just feel so helpless like it doesn’t matter what you do it will never be good enough. But it is good enough, your kids are thankful, you are their world and that’s what matters. Like you have heard millions of times they are only young once so enjoy it while you can no matter how tired you get!!

Restart.

Sometimes in life the best thing you can do for your self is restart, and I don’t mean restart everything in your life just the the parts of your life that are broken.

I always find my self questioning things, such as why do I put myself through that, is it worth it, are they trustworthy, etc. Most of the time when you have to question yourself over and over then the answer probably isn’t going to change to what you want it to be. Sometimes you might find a relationship with someone that was broken and work on fixing it and it might end up being one the best relationships you could ever have, and that wouldn’t of happened if you didn’t decide to just restart.

But Sometimes you just have to let it go and move on, realize that it will never change, and stop wasting your time hoping it will. I have never been happier since learning to do these things, yes sometimes it hurts when I think about all the good times I’ve had with some people that are no longer apart of my everyday life but then I remember why they aren’t a part of it anymore and it makes it all worth it because the people that truly deserve to be there and have proven they deserve to be there are there and that’s what truly matters.

Silence is a killer.

It’s become very clear lately how important it is to try and be open and honest about all aspects of life. Although it’s also been made very clear how scary that can be and how you never know what type of reactions you will get for doing so.

It’s 2018 and this world has never been a scarier place to live then it is now.

Nothing you do in life will be good enough for everyone and that’s where people need to learn to not let that bother them, people need to stand up for themselves, fight for what they believe in, don’t give up.

No one is perfect, everyone has flaws, but the people that truly matter, and truly love you will look past that. Everyone is their own worst enemy, but it’s the people in our life’s that help us realize that maybe we aren’t that bad. Everyone deserves to have someone they can count on, someone they know will be there no matter what, and lately it seems as tho there is quit a few people that have felt like maybe they don’t have those people, or maybe they did but didn’t know how to talk about it because they were embarrassed or ashamed.

I want everyone who’s reading this to know that no matter what the situation is PLEASE talk to someone before you do something you can’t take back, there are so many resources out there that can help you, if you are to scared to talk to someone you know, feel free to message me, sometimes a stranger is easier as I wouldn’t judge you. Life is short enough as it is, PLEASE reach out to the people you know and love and remind them you are there for them no matter what because before you know it they could be gone.

Although someone might seem like the happiest person on the outside, depression could easily be killing them on the inside. So please listen when I say reach out, be that shoulder for someone, make the effort before it’s to late.

A simple message to someone reminding them they aren’t alone, or that they are loved could easily save a life.

You don’t know me.

To the people who think they know me, and what kind of person I am, and what I choose to do in life you DONT.

You don’t know shit, you have no idea the hell I’ve gone through to get to where I am today, You have no idea the hell I still go through to continue with the life I have now.

Maybe I have told you some of the stuff that has happened to help get me here, but that does NOT mean you know me, that does NOT give you the right to sit there and judge me and my life choices, that does NOT give you the right to try and pretend like you understand what I have or am going through because at the end of the day unless you have fully gone through the exact same things you will never truly understand.

This goes for anyone who feels like there is to many people out there constantly trying to bring you down, people who spread your name through the mud when they have no idea what they are really talking about although they “think” they do, for people who just want to do better but find it hard with all the cruel people in the world, you can do better, and you will.

As hard as it is, and as much as it hurts you have to ignore what those people are saying or what they “think” they know because what works for them might not work for you and no matter what you do those kinds of people will judge you.

YOU CANT PLEASE EVERYONE!

so just try and please yourself because that’s all that matters.

Stress is a killer.

Stress is a killer, there is nothing worse then feeling stressed out about something. Some people get stressed very easily, some don’t, everyone deals with stress differently.

I can’t even explain the stress I have felt through out my life, wether it be about school, loosing a parent, where I was going to live, how I was going to handle being on my own, money, or how I would be as a wife and mom.

Stress is a killer, it ruins your mood, it messes with your head and your heart, for me someone with health problems it messes with my health badly when I become stressed.

Throughout the years I have learned many new ways on how to deal with stress, and some ways have worked some haven’t, of course I find the easiest way for anyone to try and deal with stress is to either try and “forget” about the issue or to run away from it, and I can honestly say I’ve tried both, but I promise it doesn’t work.

Stress is a killer, and the only way to deal with it is to face it head on, don’t run and hide, don’t brush it off, deal with it! It’s apart of life, it’s not going to get better if you run away, it’s not going to go away, it will be there when you get back because that’s reality. Now it’s not always going to be easy but I can promise it will be worth it, surround yourself with the right kind of people, remember to make good choices and always remember to never give up because life gets to hard and stressful because that is reality and everyone deserves a chance to have a kick ass life, you just have to work for it and get passed the hard times!

Change is good.

January 1, 2018 was the first day of the new me, its been just over a month now and I can’t even explain how great I feel.

I said going into this year I was going to focus more on myself, to get my depression under control so I could be the best wife, mom, friend and daughter I could be. It hasn’t always been easy but it’s been worth it.

January 1st I started weight watchers with someone who has now become a best friend to me, and just in January I lost 11 pounds, it’s been hard at times but it’s helped me in lots of ways, eating healthy has helped so much with my ulcerative colitis, it’s given me energy and has started to help boost my self esteem, still have a long way to go but that’s ok I got this!

January 1st I said I was no longer going to let anyone push me around, or walk all over me because I deserve better then that, it has become very clear to me in the last little bit who my true friends and family are and how a friend or family member should be treated.

It feels so good to finally realize it’s ok to stand up for myself and what I believe in, even if others don’t agree, it’s ok to let toxic people go from your life because all their doing is holding you back. It’s ok to have your own opinion on things and not have everyone agree, some people can handle it some can’t and that’s ok!

January 1st was the day that I knew I was going to be a better person for myself, family and friends. I knew I would make new friendships that would become the most amazing ones, I knew I would reconnect with some family that I lost in the past, that it was time to forgive and forget and move on with the future.

January 1st was a day for many changes in my life, all good changes, Changes that have helped me realize so many things, even tho most days I’m still my own worst enemy I have realized that it’s ok to not be able to please everyone, that unfortunately some things you do in life will push what you thought the most “important” people out of your life and although it sucks and hurts it will be ok because at the end of the day the people that truly matter and want to be there will be there.

Like they say, “you loose some, you gain some”, and I’ve gained so many and I’m so thankful for that. There is still so much more of 2018 left and I plan to continue on rocking this year, and so should you!